January 2012
10 posts
this, every winter.
You know it saves me to think even for a little while I owned the set of shoulders that you came to rely on Like in that movie theater when you whispered in my ear I almost didn’t make it This has been my hardest year Your job is killing you faster than a cancer could So now you’re giving up like they always said you would You’ve got that old map out now and you found the...
Being/Neck Problems/So this is the New Year
1. Does watching Murder, She Wrote make me a writer?
2. Does thinking, not doing, about measuring my window to put up new curtains make me a Real Simple reader?
My next door neighbors have a beautiful kitchen floor. I can see it when I look out my second floor bedroom window. One night, before Christmas, standing there watching my neighbors wrapping presents, oh wait, look closer…the...
December 2011
3 posts
Semester.....OUT
HEY MOTHER FUCKERS-
I just turned in my last fucking paper. Like an hour ago, and I’m still sitting in the same position in the coffee shop, with a blanket over my lap. Catatonic. Because the last four months have only been a blur of writing, crying, barely sleeping, and working my assshit job that requires my alarm clock to go off at 5:45 a.m. and night classes have turned me into a...
People need to stop writing condescending bullshit...
unicornfandancing:
Do you everyone. Don’t let some squishy pandering asshole drive the car for you. Fuck that passage in its earhole
Keeping it real. KEEPIN IT SO GODDAMN REAL when no one else can.
Do you think when you get to heaven there is a reel of all the times you farted in your sleep in front of someone or farted with your headphones on thinking it was silent but it really wasn’t ?
It wouldn’t be the end of November if I didn’t close it out by crying in a public place while listening to peter Gabriel on my headphones, hands shaking and crooked terrifying smile on my face trying to communicate with other human forms.
November 2011
17 posts
warmgun:
Jack: “And you have no plan b? I’ve been telling you to prepare for the end of TGS for the last two years!”
Liz: “Well, there have been a lot of Amazing Races on since then, and I had to watch them and then go online and comment on them!”
30 Rock 5x18, “Plan B”
My real life. No jokes.
MollsSheWrote: letter to my younger self →
molls:
Last night I did the HelloGiggles Live show at the UCB. The the theme was “Letters to My Younger Self”, based off the column by Ingrid Haas. If you came out last night, thank you. I’m woke up sick Saturday morning and I felt super gross, but I still had fun being there and reading this to…
Wow
I think I’m starting to care about hockey, I hope this doesn’t ruin my credibility. I think it just boils down to sid’s mustache, also basically his return. It is impossible not to watch him and fall in love.
Two important notes
1) the lyrics to “anthems for a seventeen year old girl” by broken social scene basically sum up how how I still feel like a seventeen year old girl, infinitely. And that probably ain’t cute. At least I dress like a grown ass librarian.
2) while watching the pilot episode of Eastbound and Down last night (for like, the 20th time) it suddenly hit me how Kenny Powers is so...
this isn't fucking Portland (fraudville)
This knitting crew a few tables over is really distracting me. Every single one of them is sans makeup but have thick framed eyeglasses and they are all smiling and having a great time talking. And a few jiggly babies with handmade clothes on.
This makes me think of the time I faked poor eyesight to get rainbow glasses in third grade. We were poor and I shouldn’t have done this, I wore...
firewater.: forgotten tumblr, don’t feel so sad.... →
meganthropy:
forgotten tumblr, don’t feel so sad. think about how my real life journal feels! it and i had a really good start… i was fresh out of a break-up and buying blue valentine at target. i was at a low, you could say, tumblr. tumblr, you and i had sort of a rocky start. you didn’t know where i was…
I wish my wonderful roommate wrote more all of the time for the public.
I'm Guilty (of never sleeping or making sense)
this is so embarrassing so I can’t think about what I’m really writing or use punctuation but is there a person, or maybe people, that you follow on the internet just because you are so jealous of their lives it actually PAINS you?
(I KNOW.) There is this one chick who dates this man I used to have a crush on. And seriously? She was featured on the Urban Outfitters blog (yeah who...
this is a fashion blog for an idiot dog
1. I’m about to put on motorcycle boots to walk to the ATM because my sweatpants are too short for public.
2. Or are they?
3. This is the part of the day where I have “me time.” I’ve used it to listen to the third eye blind self-titled album and eat lasagna in bed and read my college copy of Fear of Flying
LOL @ all the parts I underlined in this book. I cheated on...
October 2011
19 posts
I just have to put this somewhere
But I got an A- on my second piece for my class. And she always posts the grade breakdown of the class, and I am absolutely holding my own amongst all the more seasoned writers.
And this last essay I wrote after sleeping 3 hours? Or something really terrible? And worked an entire day and then wrote it after work? Then came home and collapsed.
(This is just for me, a reminder that I am doing...
Titles of upcoming Tucker Max books
welcometothisblogbitch:
Chicks: I Fuck ‘Em (2012)
If You Didn’t Buy My Last Book You’re a Faggot (2013)
Suck My Cock You Fat Whore: A Love Story (2014)
I Hope They Serve Beer In Jail, Where I’ll Be For Multiple Rape Convictions (2015)
3, 2, 1, SLUTS! (2016)
Don’t Look at My Dick During This Threesome Bro (2017)
Were You Looking at My Dick Dude? I Swear I Saw You Looking at My Dick (2017)
...
1 tag
“I just bask in the unknown for a while, alone on the road, halfway between Panic...”
– Dinty W. Moore
I'll miss you when you're just like them.
How many people do you think lost their virginity to “For me this is Heaven”???
One time I went to a Pirates game with that band I noted above and it took everything in my power not to introduce myself as “Katie Eat World.” Then I died of happiness and tried not to make eye contact. I mean, I know humans are humans and everyone is equal but I mean, I’d rather just...
Today is a really nice day if only because I’m organizing my closet and only have 134 pages to read in the next two days.
I don’t understand football. I’m not saying I hate it, I just don’t understand football, America, conventional ideas of fun, most humans, myself, why certain people bother me more than others, why I have to wake up super early every day, how I’m...
WatchI just think this is the most beautiful thing you can find when you’re lost in the deep web. They made this so much fun!!
I was in show choir in high school and it was literally the dumbest shit ever. We sang I believe I can Fly by R. Kelly and I was a nerd in high school and even I knew it was terrible and was really mortified by it. But I have a problem with quitting ANYTHING so I...
Signs that you accidentally fell in love with a...
Me: (singing Hot Child in the City) Oh wait, are you gonna ask me to not sing again? Or offer me five dollars to quit singing like you did a few weeks ago?
Ben: You cooked me dinner. You can sing on nights you cook.
Me: That is really sad. That I have to go through all this work to just hum with words.
Ben: You’re lucky. There were times in history when women cooked for their right to...
in regards to a time in my life when I felt things
I can’t believe I get to see Minus the Bear this week, playing Highly Refined Pirates. I don’t care about much but I’ll make an exception. Most Fridays I collapse in my bed (literally) because my life has kicked my ass. BUT I AM MAKING AN EXCEPTION.
THIS.
Are you serious, universe? I had no clue that this was even a thing until last night. Crawl out from under your rock...
2 tags
reason #45654 why I need to return to therapy
I just picked my nose in the library and then put it in my pocket.
get me naked 2
Outside the five sounds like the ocean Relax, don’t keep your eyes open Don’t look at the clock Your brain will never stop You said, “My life’s like a bad movie” And I said, “It’s true of all us” You said, and you said, “I gotta wake up so fucking early” And I said, “Maybe the director’s turned on us” Don’t say no...
September 2011
7 posts
Why is everyone so fucking obsessed with Drive?
unicornfandancing:
Like really guys? Is there lithium in the water in LA? Its like an extra special episode of the hills but with murder. I don’t understand anything anymore? Are you guys really going to tell me you love that overfunded student film? Please. Tell me if w saw the same movie?
just when I think I DON’T GET ANYTHING…the internet reminds me someone else is out there.